A Night At The Sushi Bar
by Eccentric Inferno
Summary: The cafeteria's food got stolen so the gang went to a new Sushi Bar in Deling City......whatever will happen? This fic will guarantee to make you laugh your ass off!!!!


A Night At The Sushi Bar  
  
  
  
One night, all the food in the cafeteria had been stolen. Zell came racing out of the cafeteria and bumped into Squall.  
  
"Yo, the food's all been stolen man!!"  
  
Squall just shrugged. "So what do you want me to do?"  
  
"Well.since we have no food, I thought that we could go to this new sushi bar in Deling City for dinner. They have hotdogs there too so it's a sushi/hotdog bar."  
  
"Great.whatever. I'll go get Rinoa and everyone else. We'll meet you at the entrance of Deling."  
  
"K man."  
  
*** Twenty minutes later.  
  
Everyone was seated in the bar. In front of them, was a moving slide filled with Japanese dishes. On the top, there hanged a squid holding a neon menu. The prices of the food was according to the color coded plates. The white plates were 100 gils, the pink were 150 gils, the yellow was 200 gils, and the green was 250 gils, the red was 300 gils, and the blue plates were 300 gils and up.  
  
Selphie squealed next to Irvine. "Wowie!! Look at all the plates move!!"  
  
Irvine replied, "Howdy howdy howdy!!"  
  
On the other side of Selphie, Zell was searching for sushi that was wrapped with hotdogs." His eyes wandered from plate to plate. "Damn!! Where are the hotdog sushi yo!!"  
  
"Damnit chickenwuss, shut your trap," shouted Seifer across from them with Quistis on his right."  
  
"Fuck you!!" Zell yelled back.  
  
The sushi man in the middle dropped his rolls in alarm. "Hey!! No fighting!! No fighting in Japanese bar!!! No fighting!! No fighting or you say bye bye to sushi bar!!" And with that, he went back to making the food.  
  
Squall and Rinoa were gazing lovingly into the sushi. Huge hearts popped out of their eyes!! Just then Squall remembered that he wanted to propose to Rinoa in a sushi bar. It was his weird tradition. He touched the diamond ring in his pocket and then got up from his seat and crawled under the table to speak with the sushi man. The two whispered quietly among themselves while others continued watching the plates go by. A few minutes later, Squall went back to his seat.  
  
"Lets see." Quistis examined. "I think I will take this plate!!" She retrieved a white dish from the slide. "Mmmm!! Sushi!!!"  
  
Seifer snickered and stole one from her plate when she wasn't looking.  
  
"Hey!! Where did one of my sushi go?" Quistis got on her knees and searched the floor for her sushi.  
  
While looking, Seifer stole another one. "Mmm.priceless foody!"  
  
"Booyaka!! A hotdog sushi!!!" Sure enough, there was a hotdog sushi rolling by. Too bad Zell was busy looking at it instead of taking it off the slide. It rolled passed him and continued down the line. The sushi maker accidentally leaned his arms on one of the control buttons, which caused the slides to go extra fast. Zell leaped up from his seat, knocking Selphie and him down to the floor in the process.  
  
"Oww!!!" Zell!! Watch it!!"  
  
Zell ignored her and got up, only his belt loosened around his waist and caught on to the back pocket of Selphie's jumpers. Zell zoomed down the bar with Selphie dragging behind on the floor.  
  
"Eyaghh!!" she screamed. "ZELL!!"  
  
"Mustttt..gettt..hot..dogg..susss..hiii" he said as if he was possessed by the sushi monster but no matter how far he ran, he never seemed to catch up with the hotdog sushi.  
  
"Hey!! Come back here Selphie!! You'll ruin my cd-player!! Come back!!" Irvine too got off his seat and chased the two around the bar. "Come back!!!" He extended out his arms and grabbed her boots and was also dragged along with the ride. All this time, the sushi man hadn't noticed the commotion and continued cutting the squids and octopus.  
  
Quistis stood up from the floor, dusting herself. Then she pointed her index finger to the squid with the neon menu and said, "I will get that sushi!!!"  
  
Seifer continued laughing his ass off and stealing the rest from her plate.  
  
Moments passed and when Quistis couldn't find her sushi, she released her whip from her dress and cracked it on one of the plates, smashing it in rage.  
  
"You going to pay for that Miss? You pay extra! You break that miss!" the sushi man cried while holding his knife in the air. "As if, old man!" Quistis answered back.  
  
"Come back here!!" The sushi man abandoned his leaning position and crawled under the table holding the knife in one hand and cup of Wusapi in the other and chased after her. "Come back!!!"  
  
"Eyaghh!!" Quistis yelled as she tripped over Irvine's gun. She gripped it and pulled it out of his holster and pointed at the man. "Step back!! I have a weapon and Im not afraid to use it!!"  
  
The man slowly backed away for a moment.  
  
"Drop the knife!! Drop it I say unless you want me to blow your head off."  
  
"NO!! I brought this head for 299 gils!!"  
  
"Huh? You drop it or you will never get to wear that cardboard hat again!!"  
  
"Yess sir!! I mean, Ma'm'!!" He immediately dropped the blade and rushed back into his bosition.  
  
Squall slapped his forehead in disbelief. "Wait til I report this to Cid."  
  
Rinoa fell asleep from gazing at the sushi plates rolling by..  
  
"Rinoa!!" Squall shook her shoulders. "Wake up!! I have a surprise for you!!"  
  
Nothing happened.  
  
"Rinoa," he repeated but louder this time.  
  
Rinoa's head popped up. "Huh? You want my pies?" she asked as she shook out of her dream about selling pies.  
  
"What?"  
  
"I'll take two, apple and lemon," said Seifer across the table. "How much would that be?"  
  
"Fat thighs!!"  
  
"Huh?" Both Squall and Seifer blinked in confusion.  
  
"Anyways, honey, I have a surprise for you!" said Squall.  
  
"More pies?"  
  
"Uh.not quite.."  
  
"Aha!! Got you yo," Zell exclaimed as he finally got his plate from the slide while looking back at the two behind him. They both passed out in exhaustion and pain from getting hit by the chairs.  
  
"Damnit!! I was so dizzy you chickenwuss!!" Seifer picked up a squid and threw at Zell.  
  
Zell used his martial arts technique to dodge it. "Hiyaa!!" he roared. All of a sudden, everything began moving in slow motion as Zell went into matrix style and evaded the flying squid. Then with his super fast reflexes, Zell picked up the empty plates and whipped it across the room.  
  
Then, in slow motion again, Seifer drew out his gunblade under his trench coat and suddenly, the area flickered back to normal as the plates came soaring by.  
  
"Hiyaaaa!!" Seifer screamed and slashed the plates that was heading towards him, causing them to break into tiny pieces.  
  
The sushi man yelled, "Hey!! You pay extra extra for doing this!!!" He picked up his knife again but saw Quistis holding the gun and glaring at him with a murderous look. He instantly dropped the knife and hummed slightly to himself and continue cutting squid.  
  
Selphie and Irvine finally snapped out of their sleep. "Get off Irvine!! Im keeping the CD player!! You said so!!!"  
  
"No I didn't!!!"  
  
The two continued arguing as Rinoa fell back to sleep.  
  
"Rinoa!! For the second time, wake up!!!" Squall yelled.  
  
"Huh? Pies? You want pies because I got many pies!!!" said Rinoa.  
  
"No, I want to give you a..ummm..something!!"  
  
"What is it?"  
  
"Well you have to look for it?"  
  
"Look for it?"  
  
"That's right. I talked to the sushi man and have him arranged a little present in one of these dishes. Now keep a keen eye for an orange dish!"  
  
"What? That's my gift? An orange dish?"  
  
"No!! It's on the orange dish!!"  
  
"Ohhh!!! Is it pie?" asked Rinoa. "Because I like pie."  
  
"No.not quite."  
  
"Is it close to pie?"  
  
Just as Rinoa was questioning Squall, the orange plate passed her.  
  
"Damnit!! It passed!!" Squall exclaimed.  
  
"Huh what passed. The pies?"  
  
"No no no, I was thinking out loud.that's all."  
  
Meanwhile.  
  
Irvine was chasing Selphie to get his cd player back. "Come back here!! You little thief!! I have my Avril cd in there!!"  
  
Selphie refuse to give it back so she ran as fast as she could with her super speed.  
  
"That's it," Irvine threatened. "If you don't give it back, you leave me no choice." He reached for his gun only to find an empty holster. "Shit!! Where did my gun go?" He reached down to his underwear and pulled out a small bb gun "Ahh!! Luckily I always carry a spare!!" He pointed the gun at Selphie's ass. "Now give it back!!!"  
  
Selphie pulled out her nunchaku in defense. "I don't think so! I know magic ya know!!"  
  
"You leave me no choice." He pulled the trigger of the gun, expecting a hit but only a red cloth with the words "BANG" on it came out.  
  
"HAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHHAA," Selphie laughed.  
  
"Huh? What's wrong with this gun?" Irvine pointed the gun to himself to examine what went wrong. He pulled the trigger again and shot his own nose with the BB gun bullet. "OWWWW" Blood started squirting out like mad!  
  
"La la la, Irvine the stupid person, has a really really red nose! I wouldn't give his cd player back, which had an Avril cd in hold! Lala la la ," she sang with the Rudolf tune.  
  
"EyaghhhH" Irvine screamed while clutching his bloody nose.  
  
Irvine's loud scream startled Quistis. In alarm that she thought someone was going to take her sushi again, she accidentally pulled the trigger. The shot whizzed by the sushi's man's head in slow motion, just inches away from his head. The sushi man looked at his reflection in the knife, admiring it. As a coincidence, the knife was used as a shield to deflect the bullet. The bullet bounced back only to hit the hotdog sushi that was laid in front of Zell.  
  
"Nooo!!!!!!!!" Zell shrieked. "My precious!!!!! My own!! They were my own kind!!!"  
  
Seifer dropped his gunblade and started laughing his ass of again. The heavy gunblade fell on his toes and chopped them off. "Eyaghhhhh!!!" he yelled while hopping on one foot and start cursing in Spanish.  
  
"Rinoa!!! You're supposed to be on the lookout for the orange plate!!" Squall said as the orange plate passed by for the hundredth time.  
  
"Huh? What? Fish? You want some fish seasoned in olive oil and Wusapi?" she asked as her head popped up for the third time.  
  
"Don't tell me you fell asleep again," sighed Squall, slapping his forehead.  
  
"Ok.then I wont tell you!"  
  
"Err!!" he growled as another orange dish passed by.  
  
(NOTICE: There is two orange plates for some crazy reason!!)  
  
"Oh is this what you were talking about Squall?" Rinoa said as she picked it up. "Where's my gift? There is only a squid tentacle! Is this my present?"  
  
"What?" Squall shrieked!!! "Damnit!!! Where did the r.- go?" he said to himself. He dropped down on all four and started looking for it.  
  
Having nothing else to do, Quistis dropped the gun and went back to look for her precious sushi. She crawled all around, keeping her eyes at the floor at all times. Suddenly she felt something soft bumped into her forehead. She looked up only to come face to face with Squall's ass.  
  
"HOWDY! YE HAWW," she cried with her mouth watering. A few moments later, a sweet sweet fart escaped from Squall's ass and entered Quistis's mouth.  
  
"Eyaghhh!!!" she screamed and bit his ass in shock.  
  
Squall yelped and leaped into the air hitting the wooden counter. "Damnit Quistis!!" he yelled as a lump rose from his head.  
  
"Sorry but you farted in my mouth first!!" she said.  
  
"So? You shouldn't have stuff your face between my butt cheeks in the first place!!" He touched his burning ass and felt something wet on it. "Did you drool on my ass?" he screamed?  
  
"Uh.uh.no.?" she lied while saliva was still dripping from her mouth.  
  
On the opposite side, Zell quickly picked up the remains of his sushi and stuffed it in his mouth not caring that particles from the plates were being devoured too. "Mmm." he sighed as a piece of glass struck his throat and passed out.  
  
"La la la," Selphie sang annoyingly while dancing around like a maniac. She waltzed around and stepped on Zell's throat, crushing the big chunk of glass inside it. "La la la!!!" She tripped and fell against the table causing a dent on her forehead. Then she just collapsed on Zell's stomach.  
  
"Ohhh." groaned Zell as he swallowed the glass. "Ohhhh."  
  
"Ahh screw it," Squall yelled in frustration. "I cant find the damn ring." He picked up a random sushi from the floor and examined it for a second. Then, an idea clicked. He used his index finer and poked out the salmon and the vegetable shit from the center of the wrap and ran back to Rinoa.  
  
"Rinoa, Rinoa," he yelled. "I got it!!"  
  
"Huh? You got pies?" she asked curiously.  
  
"Nope, even better!! Sushi ring!!" Squall got on one knee and plucked a small piece of raw octopus and placed it on top of the empty sushi roll. He looked up to Rinoa and said, "Rinoa.dear.honey.will you.marry me?"  
  
"No, unless you got pies!"  
  
"I'll buy you pies later, just marry woman!! Its my tradition to marry my love in a sushi bar!!"  
  
"Oh Squally, you so sweet like pies and tomatoes and potatoes and carrots! YES I SAY!! YES!!" She took the sushi roll and stuffed it in her mouth. "Mmmm.tastes like pies!!" Her head fell back against the counter and she went back to sleep.  
  
Seifer finally finished cursing in Spanish and magically stuck his toes back in place. "Me penis es muy grande!"  
  
Seifer got up from the floor and tripped slightly over Selphie and Zell's body, knocking Zell out again. He took a seat and was kicking his feet joyfully to make sure his toes were working properly. Quistis was still crawling under the counters, looking for her sushi when a pair of powerful feet kicked her in the face. Before she got a chance to scream, she got kicked again and again and again. It was like a face massage except.it hurted!! Then, she passed out from the pain. Seifer stopped because he thought he had hit someone. He shrugged when nothing happened and continue kicking her unconscious body.  
  
Out of no where, the sushi man casted 'Curaga' on everyone so they were all fully restored to health except for Irvine. He was still bleeding like hell.  
  
"Hey, how come Curaga works on everyone except me?" he demanded.  
  
"Cuz you UGLAY!!!" Selphie yelled.  
  
Seifer then started poking Rinoa, waking her up.  
  
"Huhhhhh? Hot wings.Mmmm."  
  
"Hey, how much were those pies again?"  
  
"599 gils, thank you!!"  
  
"Lets get out of here," Quistis said. Everyone got up and started to leave and headed for the alleyway where the drug dealer was for more cocaine.  
  
"Hey, you cant leave without paying," the sushi man said. He started chasing them out the door with a knife that still had the bullet dent in his hand.  
  
Quistis picked up the gun again and the sushi man retreated back. "It's on the house.right?"  
  
"Yes yes! Yes sir!! I mean.Ma'm!! Come again! Wait.no.forget I said that!!"  
  
As everyone left Deling City, the sushi man pulled out the ring from his pocket.  
  
"HAHAHAHHAHAHAH!! I shall sell this on ebay for 8888 gils!! HAHAHHA!!"  
  
  
  
The End  
  
Author's Notes: This story was a similar event that happened to us in real life!! 


End file.
